Sad thoughts made into a good day

So last night it really clicked in my mind that i was having to return to work in 6 weeks, i know i am super lucky to have a year off with my girls (love our mat leave) but the end is coming up so quickly. I realized this as we were headed to bed last night at 10:30 ... and i was up for another two hours thinking of it .. and to be honest crying a bit :( i love our daycare provider and am so happy we have her for K and S, but with travelling a hour to work and a hour back to home (or more if i am picking up the girls) it can be pretty rough, i remember feeling and bawling with S that i was no longer raising my girl and the only time i would get to really see her is on the weekends .... Anyway just going to try to make the most of the next 6 weeks with my girls while making sure to continue taking care of me as well. 

Aside from that today has been a pretty great day, woke up this morning to a weight of 207.6 so back to my sat morning weight :) Got dishes done, some laundry sorting, S and I did some zumba fitness this morning and then i did the ea active sports 2 game as well.

(My work out partner)

After lunch took both girls out into the pool and did a whirlpool and just had a fun time :) In a little bit need to finish off the dishes, get supper ready then heading to soccer tonight for S last game of the season. Hoping once we are back from that to get in my c25k training 

Have a great day 

Happy Monday - C25K update

What a weekend, very busy lots of great and yummy food :) Did really good though only went from 207.6 to  208 so a 0.4 gain i am happy with that could have been a very bad Monday weigh in.

So on Saturday Garnett and i headed up to Ottawa after attending a party for a 5 yr old with the girls, we went to the Running Room and ended up picking up shoes for both of us, a expensive trip of over 300$ for the two of us *sigh* but well worth it, our shoes are great. Mine are like marshmallows on my feet :D hee hee they are Nike shoes , Air Pegasus+ 29 I LOVE them!!!! I find the run being a bit easier because of them, they are much lighter than the 16 yr old running shoes i was using before, plus the top part of the mesh is super soft and flexible leaving me with the wide foot nice and comfortable :) Now to get my next purchase a good sports bra that will keep my ladies in place and not bouncing with me. I am looking at moving comfort either the Juno or Fiona, none of the stores in Ottawa have any though :( i am going to have to order it and cross my finger that it works, though i have heard really good things about both of them.

C25K


Things are going well with C25K i have decided to repeat every week going forward so this week i am staying on week 3. I find that i do better if i have two weeks before moving to the next week. On the happy note since Friday when i finally managed to do week 3 with no breaks i was able to repeat it on both sat and Sunday WOOHOO :) yesterday i bumped up my speed to 8.5 km/hour  walking time i am still doing at 4.5 km/hr but i think on the next go will bump that to 5 km/hr and went with a incline of 0.5. With repeating every week it means i will finish 2 weeks before our 5k race that me and Garnett are doing together (well i expect him to make it to the finish line before me but we are both doing the same race anyway ), especially since the last week of the program which i will be doing for 2 weeks is like running 28 mins it will really be like doing the 5 k or as close to as possible for 4 weeks before the race, or at least i hope so.

EA Sports Active 2


Still getting this done as well 4 times a week, doing the 9 week program on easy right now and it is going well, my eldest often joins me and does/attempts it with me, she really enjoys the running ones and the step aerobics.

Zumba Fitness


Oh gosh kill me now, i need a kids version for zumba, i have no coordination at all when it comes to dance steps and well i can only imagine what i look like. I have actually just rented the game for a couple of days for the PS3 as i thought S would get a kick out of it, find it a bit weird as you just see a instructor in colour that changes as you do the steps (goes green if your doing it correctly with her) well we both got a lot of laughs out of it which is always good, but goodness do i suck :p still going to do it again later on this afternoon with S once little K goes down for her nap.

Well i think that is it for now, have a great day
Jess

Having a great Friday :)

Today is just one of those really good days, I woke up this morning with my hubbies alarm and realized it was way lighter than it normally is on daycare days. Turns out hubs forgot to put the right alarm in but all worked out right. S got to daycare (she currently goes once a week just to stay friends with all her daycare buddies and because her daycare watcher is AWESOME ).

1)  I got up around 7 with little K got breakfast done then headed out for some errands, which is where the first good thing of the day occurred :) I put on a pair of jeans today and realized they were too big which is always a great feeling.

2a) In the mail our armbands for our phones came in, as we bought it off ebay and it was coming from pretty far away we were only expecting in in late Aug however this was by far the fastest shipment we have gotten from overseas. So also got to try the arm band out it was nice not to hold the phone anymore.

2b) After running errands got lunch going then bottle for K and then it was time for her nap, i headed downstairs and did my Week 3 training and it was AWESOME!!!!!!! I was finally able to do the whole session without a break. 5 mins warm up, 90 sec job then 90 sec walk, 3 mins run then 3 min walk, 90 secs run then walk and again 3 mins run and walk then cool down. It was so great i had a huge smile on my face and felt so proud of myself.

3) I felt so good i immediately did my PS3 game for another half hour and burnt even more calories :) I have never done a back to back workout its usually a couple hours in between (10 am then 2:30ish following little k naps ). So pat on my back :p

4) Tried turkey sausages for the first time and they are quite tasty :) Oh and discovered my hot sauce is only 1 call per 5 ml that made my day.

Hoping to get just a small walk in once my hubby get homes for the night just to finish off this night on a final good note.

Now to make sure i get through this weekend without too much damage hoping to only have a gain around 2 lbs would be better if i could just stay flat, going to enjoy the food and company this weekend but try to just have little amounts of the food that will be laying around (got to love birthday parties and going to bridal showers).

Have a great weekend will check in either late Sunday or Monday morning :)
Jess


added in sat morning: forgot to mention that yesterday i had also dropped 1 pound and this morning dropped another 0.2 so down to 207.6 :)

Just a quiet day

Took my eldest daughter to see the dentist this morning, her first time and she did great no cavities *phew* really happy about that, she sat in to watch my hubby get his teeth cleaned then she had her turn. She was all excited for the rest of the day asking when she would get to go to the dentist again ( i mainly think it was due to the new alligator toothbrush and getting to choose a ring from the treasure box but hey whatever works ) so very cute.

Been a odd couple of days for some reason hungrier that i have been in the past month today i snacked a bit more but still ended up at around 1200 calories, got in a small workout today walking the dog for 25 mins walking at a decent pace, did not like the app i was using not accurate at all, cannot wait for my micoach pacer bundle to come in :)

This morning stepped on the scale and saw 208.8 woohoo :) now to lose a bit more before the weekend and i see it go up again (hopefully only a very small amount). Oh and i want to correct myself from yesterday i realised that i said i had lost 30 pounds .. oops i was getting too excited i guess it was 25 pounds but hope by next week to hit that mark.

Week 3 is a work in progress the min and a half running is super easy but going into the three min run i seem to only be able to run a min then take a breather and run again and it keeps happening. My legs are going to fall off ... i know not really just wishing i could get past this mind block as i know that is all it is, anyone have any good tips?

Doubts

Still trying to get to my weight i was before the weekend happened *sigh* and this weekend will be a busy one with birthday parties and a bridal shower to attend, meaning super yummy and probably bad for me food :) Currently at 209.6 so hoping tomorrow will get below 209.4 and hopefully a bit more than that :D

Doubts seem to cripple me, i really enjoy exercising especially doing the c25k training however right now i cannot seem to get past 2 mins running and i know it is all in my head but i seem to be making any excuse i can, so right now i am trying to to run twice a day once in the morning (c25k training) and once at night (5 mins warm up 5 mins walk/run then 5 min cool down) hoping that will get me past this mental block. At times i wonder if i will even be able to run 30 mins straight then i take my sorry butt over to the c25k facebook page and read all the peoples success stories and know that i will be able to do it as well. The other thing is being able to talk to Garnett about it as well since he is doing the training with me (on week 2 however he is a rockstar and his speed way above mine) and he has the same doubts at times, which i think that we all do so it is great to talk it out. At times i wish that i would just post in on facebook or chat about it to my friends/family (the only person that knows about it besides hubs is his sister who we will be staying with that weekend) and yet i still feel the need to keep it under wraps and just want to surprise everyone when i post in Oct at the 5k race ....

Also just wanted to celebrate that i have now lost 30.6 pounds total so far cant wait for the next 10 pounds to get myself under that 200 mark, and want to give a huge shoutout to my hubby who as of today just hit that milestone i think he said this morning he was at 199.6 or .4 he is doing AWESOME and i am super proud of him!!!!!!

Till next time,
Jess

Mistakes are proof that you are trying

Mistakes are proof that you are trying ... i needed to see that today, weekend went very well yes i gained 1.2 pounds but we had a busy weekend and i tried to eat healthy where i could, i exercised so i was ok with it. Today however i was a train wreck, i think it is coming up to pmsing time ugh, breakfast was almost double the calories i normally consume, lunch and supper were normal however i had a subway cookie, lemonade. Was feeling extremely down and then i saw that saying on pinterest and it just reminded me that today is one day tomorrow will be much better. And today could have been much worse.

sat morning i did my last day of Week 2 and it was rough, i let the week three run 3 mins get into my head and i started panicking that i would not make it. Sat night i went on the treadmill and ran 3 mins just to show myself that i will not die and that i can do it. Made me feel super proud. Sunday i took a morning walk with Cronos our dog went to the end of the road and back it is 2.4 km did it in 28 mins just walking at a average of 5.1 km. In the aft i took a walk from the house we were visiting to the mall and back to grab some baby food (ended up staying much longer than expected but had a grand time visiting) and sun night i did W3D1 it was tough i was sore, i did not make either of the full three min runs the first one was 2:50 and the second about 2:45 both times it was stop midway through the run and take a small breather then get back on. I am happy overall with it and will use the rest of the week to improve on it.

Till tomorrow

My story

My Life Story

Going to jump right into it, hopefully if family ever reads this first part maybe they will understand why i am the way i am with my girls ... also sorry for any language that comes out in this post


When i was younger i went through some sexual abuse i would have been around 4 years old the first time. I was with a families friends son who was babysitting my sister and me at the time, this happened over a period of months i am guessing i only remember bits and pieces. Anyway this babysitter would get me to suck his dick, i remember it was for things like to play the Atari more or to stay up later ... I remember asking at one point when i had to suck him off why there was pee in my mouth i remember being in the bathroom spitting it out ... Thankfully that is all i really remember i know it happened and it was all about pleasuring him.

The second time i was sexually abused was when i was older 10/11 i think, i know i went to court when i was in grade 7 i believe for it so however old that would be. It was from a older male cousin who enjoyed touching me in the "bathing suit area"

Both encounters have forever changed me and the way i react to some things, It caused a ton of insecurities and there were certain things i could not do till i was with my husband ( i know way too much info ). It has also made me extremely sensitive to having my girls and i will freak out if they are alone with a male (my husband is the only one i trust absolutely with my girls but even that had to be learned) I tend to watch them like a hawk when they are near males always worried that something will happen to them and i wont be able to stop it. i know (and hope) that it will be ok and they will never go though something like i did.


Anyway lets leave that topic the rest of my life was pretty ok, my parents were separated when i was a toddler so i have no memories of them living together at all. My mom is with her long time fiance and my dad rocks :p Growing up i was always more heavyset I remember being extremely jealous of my sister as she had the skinny body i coveted. When i went into high school it would have been between my 9th and 10th year i had a breast reduction done i went from a F to a D and that made a huge difference (including no longer being called one boob as at that time all i could really wear were sports bras) I lost quite a bit of weight though i was still a bit heavy for my age i think i would have been roughly around 150 somewhere in there. I kept around that weight till probably 2000 when i had gone to college i bumped up a bit in weight and then in 2001 i quit smoking which added another 30 pounds or so of weight on, at which point it kept steadily creeping up. My husband (at that time boyfriend) and i had tried Atkins for a little while and we both lost quite a bit of weight but in about two years we had both gained it back and it started creeping upwards again. Fast forward through being married and having two kids and hubby and me were both very close in weight, him at 239 and me at 235.

The last 12 years of my life were great and i was very happy when i started going out with my husband, however we both just let ourselves go not from being unhappy but by not paying attention or really caring ...

Now however we are both on the right track doing this together by watching what we eat and exercising, and i believe it is bringing us closer as well.

Oh and today stepped on the scale and saw 210.4 lost 0.8 woohoo. And today is C25K training day, i have actually found even one day not running makes me a bit antsy and i want to run .. that's good right? :)

Till next time,
Jess

Nothing special

Not much done today mostly relaxed with little K as S was in daycare today. Got in my morning workout did the weight loss, this evening decided to kick it up a bit and went for hills instead got quite the workout when i was expecting a easy walk :) The only thing i have missed so far is the crunches i did not do them yesterday or today ...

Was the same weight this morning 211.2 so at least i did not gain :) Back to my C25K tomorrow very excited

I did something right yesterday...

So this morning i woke up to see 211.2 on the scale i lost 2.2 pounds, i was super stoked as when i first started loosing my highest loss in one day was  1.6 or 1.8 so WOOHOOO :)

Yesterday i ended with 1478 calories consumed and 367 calories expended on my c25k and the ps3 game Activa 2. Just want to show a photo of my supper last night love breakfast foods for supper

Today i took my daughters to Bouncing Beans where S had a ton of fun doing volleyball (well only as 4 - 7 yr olds can lol) a neat obstacle course, soccer net shots and a couple other fun activities. Little K loved watching all the kids run around and was moving and grooving to the music. You can also check out their facebook page here. Then we headed out picked up my sister and went to the park for a nice walk and a picnic.

After heading home got little K bottle got her down for a nap and headed downstairs to do the C25K W2D3, now time to get supper going.

Here is my workout schedule i have created for myself for the next little while, i will run through it sun - sat and remember each week the C25K will be going into the next week :)

Sunday


W2 D1

Monday

PS3 game (last approx 23 mins)
Crunches ( 135 normal and 45 each side)
Weight loss setting on our treadmill (3.5 min 6.0 max) for 30 mins with doing hand weight exercises at same time

Tuesday


PS3 game
Crunches
W2D2

Wed


Weight loss on treadmill with hand weights
Crunches
W2D3

Thurs


Weight loss on treadmill with hand weights
Crunches
Weight loss on treadmill

Friday


PS3 game
Crunches
Repeat W2D3

Saturday


PS3 Game
Repeat W2D3

Week 2 Day 2

Oh goodness finally got a little bit of rain here at home the last couple downpours have missed our location completely. Hoping we get it a couple more times today to help fill up the pool and give our well a break.

Just finished week 2 day 2 of  C25K went well was watching my eldest play eyepet while i was doing the workout the second run actually went by it felt like in a blink of a eye which was GREAT wish the rest of the intervals would have been like that lol. In 31 mins did 2.71 km, that is with the warm up where i go from 2.5 to 5, jogging at 8, walking at 4, the last walk i do at 5 then slowly bring it down in the cool down period as per Noom -  a new free app i am trying out on my phone -  i did 3178 steps during that time :D

I actually wrote down a workout schedule for the rest of the month and have it on my fridge right now will post it probably tomorrow to give a idea of what i am doing.

I mentioned that i started to count my calories yesterday ... well that was a colossal fail I ended up eating 2003 calories yesterday, i tracked it all though that has got to count for something plus good to get back in the habit :p and this morning woke up to 213.4 on the scale again *sigh* totally my fault but still *sigh*. Today doing much better with my calories hope to see that reflected.

I feel like there was something else that i really wanted to write down but it has completely skipped my mind, oh well maybe i will remember it for tomorrow

Until then
Jess

Added in : finally remembered what i was going to ask ( i know there have been some people viewing my blog so hoping someone can maybe answer this) Does anyone know how to actually calculate your amount of calories you should be taking in each day? The two apps i am currently using are saying different amounts My fitness pal is saying 1200 and Noom is saying 1700+ so its not a little difference were looking at 500 calories different ...... feeling a bit lost on this one

Week 2 day 1

Started week 2 day 1 of C25K yesterday morning. it is 5 mins warm up 90 seconds jogging, 2 mins walking repeated 6 times then 5 mins cool down. Was a bit harder but nothing i cannot do its just to keep pushing myself also hit 2.6 K in 30 mins so my speed and distance is still going up as well :) Its been crazy hot here the last couple of days so even using the treadmill in the basement i have been sweating buckets. Love summer but like spring and fall even more find them to be the perfect temperature.

This morning stepped onto the scale and saw 212.6 (woohoo hopefully i can keep getting it to go down and not back up) also as of today started counting my calories. Using a free app for my phone (can also use it on the computer and it will sync up anytime you log onto either the phone or the comp) called My Fitness Pal, so crossing my fingers this will keep me on the downward slope :)

Also just wanted to talk about my husband for a second, i mentioned a while back that he had been doing this with me he started at 239 and is currently around 204, he rocks :)

having a couple bad days

Well its that time of the month when my "visitor" has arrived, its made for me being very irritable and feeling like i need to stuff my face of bad for you food. Doing what i can to curb those impulses. Didn't work out yesterday but going to make sure to work out today.

At some point i am going to have to put this blog out there, at this point i haven't even told my hubby that i am doing this. Probably from embarrassment. I have promised myself that once i hit 50 pounds weight loss that i will tell everyone about the blog ...

Signing out for today, may check back this weekend or on monday (eep when i start week 2 of c25k)
Jess

Just a fun filled day

Woke up to 213.0 this morning only 0.2 loss but i will take it :)

Busy day woke up took a shower both girls co-operated by actually sleeping in this morning, then got little K up and fed her a bottle all while the eldest was still snoring away. Got breakfast on for both of us once S woke up then headed out to Bouncing Beans with S. Little K and I sat on the side watching and snapping some photos. Then headed out to get S hair cut took off about 4 inches, i forgot how curly her hair can be right now it is shoulder length due to her curls.

Got home played some Eyepet with S while little K napped. Made supper and it was delicious but a total fail for my diet :p homemade pancakes, i did use light margarine but that was the only substitution i made. Womp  womp

Hubby got home and got in my workout since there is so much time between now and Oct 14th i am doing each week 5 days a week and for 2 weeks to build up more stamina (at least i hope). Hit just over 2.5 k in 30 mins. Each day that number is slowly going up but going up it is

Just did it, signed up for the Toronto Waterfront Run

Thats right last night i took the plunge and registered for the 5K race in Toronto on Oct 14th.  Very excited and a little scared but have lots and lots of time to get ready for it.

http://www.torontowaterfrontmarathon.com/en/index.htm

Oh and this morning stepped on the scale back to 213.2

Measurements

Happy Monday


Well i started this journey back in Jan of this year at a very ripe weight of 235, its disgusting and i am so very upset with myself for getting to that weight. Everyone has a story reason they had started gaining weight which just ends up turning into excuses as to why you are still gaining, i will be posting my life story in a later post either this week or next.


Anywho onto the measurements....


Starting weight: 235


as of Feb 14th (when i started tracking my weight) 224.8


Measurements as of Feb 22nd:
Arms:   14 1/2
Bust:    47 1/2
Waist:  44
Hips:    49
Thighs: 27


July 7th

Weight:  214.2 ( - 20.8) 
Measurements: 
Arms:   13 1/2 ( - 1)
Bust:    45 1/2 ( - 2)
Waist:  43 ( - 1)
Hips:    44 ( - 5)
Thighs: 25 ( - 2)
Calve:  18


So a total of 11 inches lost and 20.8 pounds lost. I have been floating around the 214 mark since mid April not really going up or down just maintaining as i had lost motivation. I am really hoping to get out of this rut i have created and kick start my weight loss again. As i have mentioned i have started training for a 5k in Oct and think i am going to make a work out schedule to hold myself more accountable.


Progression Pics:

The first set of photos are taken on Feb 19th i was 224.4 ( oh and totally sorry for the dirty mirror i never ever thought i would be sharing these photos )

And pics taken this morning  (cleaned the mirror this time but still have the Windex on the counter :P )

a confession

Ok so i find bodily function stories hilarious. I can literally end up on the floor from laughing so hard, just something about them that strike my funny bone i guess. Anyway the reason i am bringing this up is due to this blog http://www.mamalaughlin.com/ I friggen love reading her blog, she is funny and motivating. Well i just read a post about thinking she had pooed her pants a little while running and was asking her readers about it, went through the comments and found this and ended up curling up in my chair laughing cause i found it so funny

OMFG. The dreaded post baby shart. Its right up there with the 
-Sniss (Sneezing and pissing)
-Lart (Laughing and farting)
-Lissing (laughing and pissing)
And my personal favorite Weefing (working out and queefing).

God bless the havoc that kids have wreaked on our cookies.


Anyway back tomorrow when i will post pics and measurements :)

Its the little things...

I find its the little things that keep me happy and motivate me, this morning i realized i was able to put a normal towel around myself tucked in with nothing showing. Silly yes but it made me very happy :)

I did week 1 day 2 of the c25k it went well yesterday, was less out of breath and it was only the last jog/run that i felt a little rough. Just checked with my sister in law she is good to have us around the weekend of the race. now i will need to sign up for the 5 K.

Weight update yesterday i woke up to 214.8 eep and today 113.6 so a bit better not stressing to much as my hubby is still on vacation and today is our party.

Be back on monday with measurements :)

Sweat is fat crying

Got back from camping yesterday, had a really good time minus a couple of episodes :) S was a total brat the first day we were there, thinking it was a combination of excited, hot and tired. But that made for a pretty crappy day all the rest of the time she was great though which we were both really thankful for. On Canada Day, visted with our friends the A's and L's for a while at the beach great to see them all and the kiddies had great fun playing, that night the fireworks were AMAZING, one of the best ones yet, S was super super tired but loved all of the ones that were shot off. And little K did great for her first time camping, slept well on both naps and overnight. So overall a great success.

Oh and did i mention that little K just turned 9 months old, cannot believe how fast the time is going, i swear i heard her say momma yesterday but i think that is still wishful thinking.

Well onto my weight, checked it out this morning and i was at 213.2 so overall with all the camping and yummy camp food i was shoving into my mouth (in moderation) i managed to loose a little weight. On monday planning on doing all my measurements and will post them hear then from there will try to figure out how to post pics of my first day to today to show some of the weight loss i have done, though i have a very long way to go, I find this is helping me be more motivated in loosing weight.

Also i have decided to sign up for a 5k in Toronto in Oct. Super excited and scared as i have not done much jogging/running up to this point, but i figured with a goal in mind and dollars out of my pocket it will also keep me motivated. So last night i started my training with the C25K app on my phone. Week 1 day 1 went well, legs are a bit sore today but thats it. And as to the title of the post i had to keep remembering that last night while i poured buckets of sweat.