Doubts

Still trying to get to my weight i was before the weekend happened *sigh* and this weekend will be a busy one with birthday parties and a bridal shower to attend, meaning super yummy and probably bad for me food :) Currently at 209.6 so hoping tomorrow will get below 209.4 and hopefully a bit more than that :D

Doubts seem to cripple me, i really enjoy exercising especially doing the c25k training however right now i cannot seem to get past 2 mins running and i know it is all in my head but i seem to be making any excuse i can, so right now i am trying to to run twice a day once in the morning (c25k training) and once at night (5 mins warm up 5 mins walk/run then 5 min cool down) hoping that will get me past this mental block. At times i wonder if i will even be able to run 30 mins straight then i take my sorry butt over to the c25k facebook page and read all the peoples success stories and know that i will be able to do it as well. The other thing is being able to talk to Garnett about it as well since he is doing the training with me (on week 2 however he is a rockstar and his speed way above mine) and he has the same doubts at times, which i think that we all do so it is great to talk it out. At times i wish that i would just post in on facebook or chat about it to my friends/family (the only person that knows about it besides hubs is his sister who we will be staying with that weekend) and yet i still feel the need to keep it under wraps and just want to surprise everyone when i post in Oct at the 5k race ....

Also just wanted to celebrate that i have now lost 30.6 pounds total so far cant wait for the next 10 pounds to get myself under that 200 mark, and want to give a huge shoutout to my hubby who as of today just hit that milestone i think he said this morning he was at 199.6 or .4 he is doing AWESOME and i am super proud of him!!!!!!

Till next time,
Jess

Mistakes are proof that you are trying

Mistakes are proof that you are trying ... i needed to see that today, weekend went very well yes i gained 1.2 pounds but we had a busy weekend and i tried to eat healthy where i could, i exercised so i was ok with it. Today however i was a train wreck, i think it is coming up to pmsing time ugh, breakfast was almost double the calories i normally consume, lunch and supper were normal however i had a subway cookie, lemonade. Was feeling extremely down and then i saw that saying on pinterest and it just reminded me that today is one day tomorrow will be much better. And today could have been much worse.

sat morning i did my last day of Week 2 and it was rough, i let the week three run 3 mins get into my head and i started panicking that i would not make it. Sat night i went on the treadmill and ran 3 mins just to show myself that i will not die and that i can do it. Made me feel super proud. Sunday i took a morning walk with Cronos our dog went to the end of the road and back it is 2.4 km did it in 28 mins just walking at a average of 5.1 km. In the aft i took a walk from the house we were visiting to the mall and back to grab some baby food (ended up staying much longer than expected but had a grand time visiting) and sun night i did W3D1 it was tough i was sore, i did not make either of the full three min runs the first one was 2:50 and the second about 2:45 both times it was stop midway through the run and take a small breather then get back on. I am happy overall with it and will use the rest of the week to improve on it.

Till tomorrow

My story

My Life Story

Going to jump right into it, hopefully if family ever reads this first part maybe they will understand why i am the way i am with my girls ... also sorry for any language that comes out in this post


When i was younger i went through some sexual abuse i would have been around 4 years old the first time. I was with a families friends son who was babysitting my sister and me at the time, this happened over a period of months i am guessing i only remember bits and pieces. Anyway this babysitter would get me to suck his dick, i remember it was for things like to play the Atari more or to stay up later ... I remember asking at one point when i had to suck him off why there was pee in my mouth i remember being in the bathroom spitting it out ... Thankfully that is all i really remember i know it happened and it was all about pleasuring him.

The second time i was sexually abused was when i was older 10/11 i think, i know i went to court when i was in grade 7 i believe for it so however old that would be. It was from a older male cousin who enjoyed touching me in the "bathing suit area"

Both encounters have forever changed me and the way i react to some things, It caused a ton of insecurities and there were certain things i could not do till i was with my husband ( i know way too much info ). It has also made me extremely sensitive to having my girls and i will freak out if they are alone with a male (my husband is the only one i trust absolutely with my girls but even that had to be learned) I tend to watch them like a hawk when they are near males always worried that something will happen to them and i wont be able to stop it. i know (and hope) that it will be ok and they will never go though something like i did.


Anyway lets leave that topic the rest of my life was pretty ok, my parents were separated when i was a toddler so i have no memories of them living together at all. My mom is with her long time fiance and my dad rocks :p Growing up i was always more heavyset I remember being extremely jealous of my sister as she had the skinny body i coveted. When i went into high school it would have been between my 9th and 10th year i had a breast reduction done i went from a F to a D and that made a huge difference (including no longer being called one boob as at that time all i could really wear were sports bras) I lost quite a bit of weight though i was still a bit heavy for my age i think i would have been roughly around 150 somewhere in there. I kept around that weight till probably 2000 when i had gone to college i bumped up a bit in weight and then in 2001 i quit smoking which added another 30 pounds or so of weight on, at which point it kept steadily creeping up. My husband (at that time boyfriend) and i had tried Atkins for a little while and we both lost quite a bit of weight but in about two years we had both gained it back and it started creeping upwards again. Fast forward through being married and having two kids and hubby and me were both very close in weight, him at 239 and me at 235.

The last 12 years of my life were great and i was very happy when i started going out with my husband, however we both just let ourselves go not from being unhappy but by not paying attention or really caring ...

Now however we are both on the right track doing this together by watching what we eat and exercising, and i believe it is bringing us closer as well.

Oh and today stepped on the scale and saw 210.4 lost 0.8 woohoo. And today is C25K training day, i have actually found even one day not running makes me a bit antsy and i want to run .. that's good right? :)

Till next time,
Jess

Nothing special

Not much done today mostly relaxed with little K as S was in daycare today. Got in my morning workout did the weight loss, this evening decided to kick it up a bit and went for hills instead got quite the workout when i was expecting a easy walk :) The only thing i have missed so far is the crunches i did not do them yesterday or today ...

Was the same weight this morning 211.2 so at least i did not gain :) Back to my C25K tomorrow very excited

I did something right yesterday...

So this morning i woke up to see 211.2 on the scale i lost 2.2 pounds, i was super stoked as when i first started loosing my highest loss in one day was  1.6 or 1.8 so WOOHOOO :)

Yesterday i ended with 1478 calories consumed and 367 calories expended on my c25k and the ps3 game Activa 2. Just want to show a photo of my supper last night love breakfast foods for supper

Today i took my daughters to Bouncing Beans where S had a ton of fun doing volleyball (well only as 4 - 7 yr olds can lol) a neat obstacle course, soccer net shots and a couple other fun activities. Little K loved watching all the kids run around and was moving and grooving to the music. You can also check out their facebook page here. Then we headed out picked up my sister and went to the park for a nice walk and a picnic.

After heading home got little K bottle got her down for a nap and headed downstairs to do the C25K W2D3, now time to get supper going.

Here is my workout schedule i have created for myself for the next little while, i will run through it sun - sat and remember each week the C25K will be going into the next week :)

Sunday


W2 D1

Monday

PS3 game (last approx 23 mins)
Crunches ( 135 normal and 45 each side)
Weight loss setting on our treadmill (3.5 min 6.0 max) for 30 mins with doing hand weight exercises at same time

Tuesday


PS3 game
Crunches
W2D2

Wed


Weight loss on treadmill with hand weights
Crunches
W2D3

Thurs


Weight loss on treadmill with hand weights
Crunches
Weight loss on treadmill

Friday


PS3 game
Crunches
Repeat W2D3

Saturday


PS3 Game
Repeat W2D3