Time to stop procrastinating

Hello all,

I realized that i am putting off exercising and eating right till the new year. And i realized that was just plain silly it was time to step up and at least start doing something. So for now I am making a promise to start exercising on a daily basis.  I started today by going on good ol faithfull and did some weightloss to start me off, hoping to also get some squats and sit ups done later today. Will start to slowly get my eating under control but that is going to take me a bit, little steps at a time.

I decided as well to do a picture of my current weight at 184.6 to kick start this off it is a pound early but figured this would hold me more accountable as well.

My first two pictures that i did the first was about 10 pound lighter than when i had first started as i was 235. and as always i apoligize for the first sequence of photos i never thought i would ever share these how wrong i was :P

Next set of photos wish i would have realized i was sticking with the blue as i put on the green one today :P

Not seeing a big difference from 193 - 184 

I also took my measurements:

Weight: 184.6

Arm: 12 1/2

Bust: 42

Waist: 32

Hips: 42

Thigh: 23 3/4

Calve 16 3/4

Have a great weekend all,

XOXO

Jess

Christmas Eve

Wow posting again, someone check my forehead quick i must have a fever :)

This blog has been weighing on my mind more heavily, i think in the new year i will make it a point to start writing up more posts, makes me feel more accountable even if no one is reading this blog :P I have skipped over my promise after losing 50 pounds that i would post my blog for all to read, it was just scaring me and i realized that it was ok not to feel ready to share it with my family and friends.

Doing pretty well during this holiday season, staying around the 183.6 mark (4 out of 5 days in a row yesterday went up to 185.2 then today dropped right back down). Don't really have much more to say currently at work hoping for 4 pm to roll around as soon as possible so that i can go home and spend the rest of Christmas eve with the family.... Oh we all have onsie pjays will be posting that photo sometime in the next couple of days lol.

xoxo
Jess

Dusting the cobwebs off

*choking a bit on the dust in here*

Oh boy i cannot believe that it has been so long since i last posted... Sept 22nd and today is Dec 16th eep, i will say that i have thought of this blog often but have not had the motivation to post. Returning to work has been a huge adjustment for me, i never feel like i have enough time and find it much harder to work out and eat better (two reasons laziness would be number one but also with it being darker earlier and later in the mornings and right now the holiday season is full of stuff going on). So today as i was sitting down about get up to fix my daughters bed as she informed me the blankets were falling off (and whos fault was that i wonder lol) i hear my hubby typing away at the keyboard i look over ask him what in the world he is doing looks at me sheepishly and says he is blogging, well that got my interest peaked and the want to blog myself made me pull up my blogger.

Really aside from that i don't actually have all that much to say, lots of things have happened, i did my first and second 5 k races finished under 45 mins which was my goal, have continued to lose weight very slowly with lots of ups and downs current at 184.4 (have been under 183 but until i can get back under there and not see a gain i will wait on doing my 10 pound lost photos). My littlest girl turned one, my eldest just finished with her dance sessions and is looking forward to going back in January. My dog passed away :( it will be a week as of tomorrow and i miss him terribly.

I think for now will just end this with some photos

part of K cake smash photos

can you tell she was enjoying it lol

cannot get enough of this cute face

before the cake smash in the pumpkin patch

At the end after cake cleanup was done

This was from the Canadian thanksgiving weekend at the same pumpkin patch

K rocking her owl hat

Cuddling up with K as S was out running around with our friends kids

And here are some of our Christmas photos that were taken

That's all for now, if i do not get on before the holidays are over i hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

xoxo

Jess

P.s Forgive my photo placement blogger and me were not working well tonight

New weight loss photos

Hey guys,

Well the rest of the week ended up pretty ok, cold is almost gone. Garnett father is still in the hospital as they have held him longer due to issues with his kidneys hopefully on monday they can get the final stint in and then time for him to go home.

Stepped on the scale this morning to 193.0 which meant it was time for progression photos and measurements :)

Like the tiger decal on the mirror >^_^<  Meow!

Really starting to see the difference now from the beginning to today which is making me happy. I started this journey wearing a 2XL on top and size 22/24 jeans i am currently wearing a XL to L shirt depending on the brand and between a 14/16 size pants :)

To show all of the photos

Yes my forever hide my face in shame a very dirty mirror the first time and seeing the cleaning supplies the next time lol.

Even seeing quite a difference from just the 203.8 to 193

Measurements:

Starting weight: 235

as of Feb 14th (when i started tracking my weight) 224.8

Measurements as of Feb 22nd:
Arms:   14 1/2
Bust:    47 1/2
Waist:  44
Hips:    49
Thighs: 27

July 7th

Weight:  214.2
Measurements: 
Arms:   13 1/2 
Bust:    45 1/2 
Waist:  43 
Hips:    44 
Thighs: 25 
Calve:  18

Aug 10th

Weight:  203.8
Measurements: 
Arms:   13 (-.5)
Bust:    45 (-.5)
Waist:  40 (- 3)
Hips:    43 (-1)
Thighs: 24 (-1)
Calve:  18 (0)


Sept 22nd

Weight:  193
Measurements: 
Arms:   13 1/2 (+.5)
Bust:    44 (-1)
Waist:  37 (- 3)
Hips:    44 (+1)
Thighs: 25 1/2 (+1.5)
Calve:  17 1/4 (-.75)

So i think i was measureing a couple of areas wrong before actually saw where you were supposed to be measuring so i am hoping that is why it is all over the place. Total inches lost 1.75 but whatever i can see some big improvements so again i just think it was me mis-measuring before.

Enjoy the weekend 
Jess

Crawling out of the rock i was under

Hello everyone,

bet you didn't expect to see a post from me after not writing anything in the last what 2 almost 3 weeks now .... yes i was a chicken. I had up the blogger page for a couple of days but just kept ignoring it wishing it would go away, i was not in a frame of mind to deal with writing - when i should have been writing the most as i dealt with things.

Well as of my last post it had been S first week to school and i had messed my back up. My back was not a pretty sight, i was not a pretty sight. I was in quite alot of pain for a while nothing as bad as the end of jan and beginning of feb, it was sort of the same pain as just recovering from that. So i had to be extremely careful on how i bent and picked up little K. Which also really impacted my exercise i was not able to even walk without alot of pain but by the middle of last week wed or thursday things started to loosen up a bit. Was able to finally enjoy my last couple days of freedom before the dreaded return to work date. Took the girls on daily walks of about 2 kms.

Last weekend i got to spend some time with just S while taking her to dance and K stayed home with Garnett. Then that afternoon i spent some time with K taking her out for a walk in the stroller with our dog Cronos. Sunday we had a visitor from our neighbour down the road and she brought her pony all saddled up for the girls to check out.

K was the first one to try out the pony Chico

S thinking that maybe she would like to try

Thats my girly

Chico smiling for the camera lol

Sunday

Now before i go into the rest of my sunday and the dreaded return to work date lets  talk about my weight a bit. I was fluctuating like mad lowest i went down to was 196.4 and went up to 199.0 as of sunday morning i was 198.8 eep so i started to get myself underwraps. Sunday i started the laundry and then the 30 Day shred over again, went well felt great went into town by myself did our groceries headed home put it all away and then i was stupid and decided to do a second load of laundry. Well i started that second load and then the water quit for the 5th time this season. Which created a huge meltdown, G was pretty upset ... I was upset ... and then the tears started (mine of course) it was the day before my return to work after a year off, the water was shut off no idea if we were going to be able to start it. S shut me down when i asked if she wanted to go for a walk with me but she just wanted to cuddle with daddy, that was the last straw my tears turned into waterworks. I ended up taking our sopping wet laundry to my dads place in town and got them washed from there and brought back home to dry them. Had supper and G went to work on the well - pumpy thingy to see if he could get it working fast forward 2 and a half hours and voila we had water again ... at 11 pm.

Monday

Up at 5am and the day starts, get the girls dressed and ready to go to daycare, cry a bit as they were leaving. Rush into the shower finish getting ready and headed off to work. I will say it is a bit easier going back to work with the second child plus having had a breakdown the day before everything was good. Then just before 10 get the call that Garnett father had a minor heart attack. He is doing good still in the hospital at this time waiting for a second stint to be put in. I stayed under my calories and got a workout down in the evening.

Tuesday

Woke up with a cold that came out of left field, head throbbing, fever, sinus pain the whole shebang. That is all. Stayed under calorie but no workout and i went to bed at 8pm tossed and turned all night.

Wed

Bad night of the tossing and turning, sinuses starting to calm down to be replaced with coughing. However this morning stepped on the scale and saw 194.6 woot woot officially down 40 pounds. Definitely picked up for me on a hump day and ended up being a decent day. Still no work out though, going to wait till tomorrow to see how i feel before trying again

The only other thing is that each night i have hardly seen my hubby as he has been at the hospital visiting with his dad and making sure his mom is eating and taking care of herself as well. Wish I could go with him to see  his dad and give him a hug but until this cold is gone gotta stay far away :(

I promise to write in here again soon, need to keep myself accountable

Jess

Scared

I know its been a little bit but life has been pretty hectic so lets talk about the good things first. Weight is slowly coming off weighed in at 197.8 this morning. I am loving my Zombie, Run! app the other day went for a walk/jog with Cronos and i had the Zombies chase turned on (usually where i live the gps wont find us that day it did) oh holy heck talk about going at a faster pace i am normally between 8 -9 min per km well when the Zombies are chasing i hit up to as high as 13 km per hour lol it was great :)

Triend a new class this past wed called Kickboxing Cardio the first class for this month was free, i was super nervous as i was going by myself and knew no one there... So glad i went i LOVED it in 55 mins burnt 544 cals and was a true sweat monster :P This upcoming monday is a free Zumba class with the same instructor and i am going to check that out as well, says it is in the dark so no need to feel self conscious ... well when i knock everyone down with my uncoordination it wont be so good :p

S started school this week, wed was her first day and she says she really enjoyed it but will give me no details of her day *fustrated mom*, she is back at school today and was extremely excited to be going back.

Her Hello Kitty backpack

While wearing a Hello Kitty shirt

little K looking up to her big sister

And talking about this little chunkmiester (is that even a word ?) she just turned 11 months old weighs 20 pounds right on the dot. Has two top teeth (came within a couple days of each other) and two bottom teeth. Has finally figured out to crawl forward (a couple weeks) and is getting faster at it. Figured out how to sit up by herself from when she is lying down (that caused a panic the first time she did it in the crib as she was still on the top level as she wouldn't do it. She had grabbed onto her mobile and was having a grand time giving it a shake). Oh and will stand if holding onto the crib, our hands, playpen etc... AAAHHHHH so many  milestones in just a short couple of weeks.

Took photos for a photo invite but think i will use them in a banner instead

Now onto the reason for the title ... for the past month or so i have been having twinges in my back. I usually throw out my back roughly 2 - 3 times a year usually it is just sore and i am hunched over while walking for 3 -4 days then it is over. Well these twinges point to a full out back episode. I have only had two of them both have been in January right after having my babies (S was 9 months and K 3 1/2 months) and it scares the shit out of me. It means physio for approx 1 and a 1/2 months where i can barely walk without crying cannot pick up my daughters etc ... Today woke up was feeling great and somewhere between getting my eldest ready for school and getting my youngest out of her crib i felt it, the pain that i associate with a hell of a back outage. It got worse, right now taking my back meds from jan and some normal robaxacet (sp?) for the pain hoping it will cover it. I am thinking that the back pain is just due to stress of S going to school and my approaching work date and all the hiccups that have happened with both in the last couple of weeks.   Hope it blows over and my concern is for nothing...

Have a great weekend will check in on monday,

Jess

Long weekend

Wow for the first time in a long time having a weekend that i have actually lost weight on. Back down to 198.8 as of this morning even after attending a family BBQ yesterday where i might have had a hamburger and macaroni and potato salad ... oh and a couple of chips ... oh and when i got home might have had a original cider from Alexander Keiths as well and wow it was all so yummy. But something went right and i still lost so thankful for that :)

Happy that my Zombie, Run! app got fixed they had a issue with android phones where you could do the mission but it was not completing so tonight when i take Cronos for a walk i can get to mission 2 (did mission 1 twice, the zombie chase not as scary the second time around) They also added a option for long runs for android so that is kinda neat don't need it yet but good for the future.

C25K - update

Well i moved to W5D2

31 mins:
Warm up 5 mins
Run 8 mins
Walk 5 mins
Run 8 mins
Cool down 5 mins

Got through the 8 min run and i was kinda surprised it wasn't bad could have kept going, however after the 5 min walk when i went to do the next run it was a total fail. going to try again tomorrow and rock it (hopefully) think i will only do day 2 twice successfully then i will go to day 3 (20 min running non stop - eeeeppppp).

Also just joined a fb group done by one of the girls from Mama Laughlin's Fit Camp called 100- fat burning miles in September (hee hee love the name) closed group which is nice, so as per the title of the group the challenge is to walk/jog/run/crawl 100 miles (or 160.9 km) during the month of Sept so roughly 5.36 km per day. Just joined the group today and have done 15.53 so far this month, going to have to step it up just a little bit but it is totally do-able.

Personal note:

S starts school on wed, going for the very first time, she is so excited and i am of two minds, excited for her to go but dreading it at the same time as she is growing up so quickly.

Also kinda worried about making lunches, what if i pack the wrong things, what if i don't pack enough? What if, what if what if .... Anyone else ever worry about that in the beginning?

And then there is the return to work date of Sept 17th that is getting closer and closer ... what is going to happen when i return to work, can i continue to eat well, will i continue exercising or make excuses, which i cannot i tell ya having a 5 k that you are registered to do a month after returning to work is a good motivator. Oh and have i ever mentioned just how bad i am at planning? I find it impossible to plan ahead for the week for meals while i am at home not to mention work ....  I tell ya enough to give a person nightmares lol

Jess

New Month

Sept 1st already where does the time go ...

Having a better day today under my calorie goal of 1400, did C25K week 5 day 1 again tomorrow going to actually move to day 2, will do that for a couple of days then will move to day 3 (eep 20 mins straight running is a bit daunting).

 I also bought Zombie, Run! app for my android phone its currently 2.99$ instead of 7.99$ sale is on till monday. It is pretty awesome, used it taking my dog for a walk 40 mins 4 kms done not too bad. At the point when the old "Runner 5" is chasing you in zombie form i almost forgot i was only to be walking and was ready to get the hell out of there. I have a love hate relationship with Zombies so listening to this is giving me a delicious shiver of danger lol.

Here is to hoping tomorrow is as good as today :)
Jess

Difficulties

This week has been pretty low for me, my high point was getting below the 200 pound mark, but with school starting for S this upcoming wed and work looming up in two weeks i have been pretty down. I feel exhausted all the time, have not wanted to exercise and when i get like this i kind of bottle all my feelings inside and say i don't care, which has resulted in me not making the best of decisions. I am down from the 199.8 to 199.4 but i should be lower than that, with the weekend looming up i always gain a pound or two which means i will probably end up seeing the 200s again :(

Also my littlest one is changing so fast which i think is also not helping this funk. All of a sudden she has popped her 3rd tooth (first one for the top), started finally crawling forward (still mostly crawling/pushing herself backwards and boy can she go) and has learnt to sit herself up in the crib. Oh and her 4th tooth should be out any day now.

Today is a bit better calories are on track going to exercise tonight just need to pull myself out of this funk

Hope everyone has a great long weekend,
Jess

Onederland :)

WOOHOO this morning i saw this when waking up 

Officially out of the 200s' and so excited and proud :)

Not much to talk about

Well i was a bad girl yesterday and decided to not workout ... then spent a hour or more awake in bed feeling guilt for not working out but midnight is a bit late to work out ...

Weight is still going well yesterday morning woke up to a 1 pound loss so was at 200.8 and this morning woke up to 200.6 (which i am more than happy to take).

Leaving this post with a couple photos of the girls that i took yesterday

Little K was not so interested in looking up and having a photo taken

Aahhh when did she start growing up so much

Only photo taken in the hammock swing little K was in between fake crying here

Super happy to be on the swing by herself got lots of giggles from her

Will report in on monday, have a great weekend everyone

Jess

Crazy Thursday and a confession

*phew* what a day. Woke up to see 201.8 this morning so had lost 1 pound getting close to my 2nd mini goal (1st was hitting 30 pounds 2nd is getting below the 200 mark) - where i have promised myself that i would make myself a apron - and very excited however i know the weekend always throws a wrench in my plans somewhere, hoping to be good.

This is the apron i have promised to make myself, for anyone trying to place what this is supposed to represent it would be Sailor Moon outfit :) A little known fact i LOVE Sailor Moon i even have Luna tattooed onto my back.

So as to my confession, i have not really run since last wed, i tried a small bit the last couple days (3 mins on tues and maybe 2 mins yesterday) and was failing horribly, my heart was not into it. Finally got onto the treadmill today and told myself to suck it up and get it done. So week 5 day 1 finished in full only breaks were the normal schedualed kind ... Whoo .. going to do it 1 - 2 more times then will move to day 2 in week 5.

Then from there had a pretty normal day including having to go to my MIL place to catch up on laundry since the scare with our well laundry has been kinda piling up thankful i was able to go into town to get some done, from now should be able to do 1 load per day here. Got home made some crazy yummy egg mcmuffin type food for supper, then headed downstairs did a 30 min weight loss program on the treadmill followed by Jillian kicking my ass in 30 ds (3 days in a row - not counting the other two days i did last week those were my learning days lol). Total cal burned today with exercise 890, go me (yes such a dork)

Last 2 days or so i have brought up my calories just a bit so instead of being just under 1200 have been under 1400 instead, still losing and more than the normal 0.8 that i was losing so i will take it :)

Here's to hoping for another loss tomorrow

Till then
Jess

Getting my sweat on

Sorry for not posting yesterday, i really meant to and didn't want to all in one. Felt like having one more irresponsible day before climbing back up onto the wagon. We had a awesome weekend away the girls were so well behaved. And it was so good to see Garnett cousin and wife and his Great aunt and uncle were there as well, had some amazing food, lots of wine and spirits and many laughs.

Monday morning i pushed off getting out of bed as long as possible as i was frightened to see what i had done to my weight loss (especially after hearing hubby had gained just over 5 pounds) finally sucked it up and got on the scale and saw 205.4, not the worse it could have been. Yesterday did no exercise except for cleaning in the house however i did drink 100  oz of water. Woke up this morning to see 204.0, happy with the loss hope to see it lower tomorrow morning :)

Today was the first day i took both S and K to daycare, S is staying for the full day K was there from 9:15 am till 12:45, it sucked (not for her she had a great time, S watched out for her lol) big ones for me, its not like i have not left her for a couple of hours for a time (even did the one weekend away) its knowing that this is where she is going to be when i go back to work (and that is approaching fast less then a month now) so i headed into town after crying a bit - ok was crying during the first 5 mins of driving - got my hair washed and cut, then headed to Walmart bought myself another new bra (yay up to 3 now after having wrecked all of my other ones) and some fabric and ribbon, planning on making some jean bibs for K. Headed to my sisters to drop off her shoes and chatted with her and my dad for a bit, hit up subway for lunch then grabbed K.

Got home K went down for her nap and i headed downstairs, was having some issues with my leg so decided just to do a weight loss program on my treadmill where 15 mins in i accidentally pulled the emergency stop line and came to a dead stop - not cool  - so restarted up but on manual and as my leg was feeling better did a little bit of running and walking to finish the last 15 mins. Then i restarted 30 Day Shred and completed day 1 again.

Now time to wake up the little princess, feed her food, pick up S from daycare then off to register S for dance classes that start this Sept.

Happy Tuesday,
Jess

Mini vacation

I am so excited and nervous to be leaving later today and coming back on sun with the girls and hubs, We are headed to Toronto tonight to sleep over at his sisters place from there will spend most of Friday with her (she was nice and took the day off so she could visit with us and the girls) i think we are going to the small zoo in Toronto that is pretty close to her so the girls should love that, from there we are headed to Collingswood to meet up with Garnetts cousin and wife. We don't get to see them that often so were really looking forward to it. And then on Sunday *gulp* a 8 hour ride back home with a 4 yr old and 10 1/2 month old, That is going to be painful, lots and lots of pain lol.

Right now weight is at 202.6 Monday morning is going to be a scary morning to weigh in and see how much damage has been done.

Hope everyone has a great weekend
Jess

This and that

Well yesterday was a fail in the exercise department i refused to workout and was childish about it ... ok not really just refused to go. My last half of the day after posting went from decent to bad with my eldest and i was just not into it, i also stuffed my face with 2 chicken fries a couple goldfish crackers and i think i had a bite of something else ... however this morning woke up to 203.6 so i at least moved down again on the scale instead of going up.

Today was a much better day, got up around 5:30 ish in the morning and did a workout on the treadmill after hubby had done his, started to do Week 5 Day 1 of C25K was 2 mins into the first run and i said F*** this and ended up doing it walking, still got the sweat rolling and burned just over 300 cals so i was ok with that. Then after the girls got up all had breakfast, headed into town and picked up a new bodysuit and skirt for S ballet classes that start up again this Sept. Picked out a super cute fall coloured shirt for photos that we are having taken on the 6th of Oct ( i should probably mention to Garnett that we are doing that ... oh and somehow plan little Ks' birthday party for that afternoon ). Picked up my sister and her puppy and headed back home where we let the three dogs play. Owner of the other dog came and picked up Gadget so we are now pug free home again lol the girls will miss him though, little K loved that he was at her level and he was so patient with both girls. After my sister and friend left i ended up taking a nap instead of working out, really needed it and felt great after the nap. Then supper and did my final workout of the night. Went with Week 5 Day 1 again of C25K and did much better was able to run the first two 5 min intervals faltered on the last one mid way so walked 1 1/2  mins then ran for the last 1 1/2 mins.

So not a bad day cals eaten for the day 1282 and 648 cals burned with exercise. Hoping to see another weight loss in the morning would love to you know lose 3.7 to get below 200 but will be happy with my normal 0.8 loss. Crossing my fingers

Because the only workout you ever regret is the one you skip

Happy late Monday

Came across this on the Mama Laughlin's Fit Camp it is a 100 reasons why you should work out today good thing to remember  on those days you are dreading the workout the title is from the list. Had a good weekend did day 1 and 2 of the 30 Day Shred, looking forward to doing the 3rd day tonight, also cannot wait for my thighs to start feeling better and not hurting all the time lol. A little bit frustrated on sat i ate well normal amount of calories (just under 1200) had done c25k training and the first day of 30 ds and i gained 0.8 pounds, Sunday did both workouts however my cals were higher 1400+ and i gained 0.2 :( so back up to 204. Hoping tomorrow is a better weigh in day.

Thighs of Jello

Happy Saturday all,

C25K update - did the week 4 session in full yesterday night. 5 min warm up, 3 mins jog, 90 sec walking, 5 mins run, 2 1/2 min walk, 3 min run, 90 secs walk and then the final 5 min run and the 5 min cool down. Very proud of myself for finally powering through it all. Brought down photos of both my girls for added incentive and i have promised myself if i can get through 3 of them in a row no jumping off the treadmill for a breather before moving to week 5 i would get a workout tank from Ruffles with Love . After that for week 5 i think i will reward myself with a pedicure for my tired footsies :)

Woke up this morning to see 203.0 so another 0.8 weight loss woohoo :) trying to use My Fitness Pal a bit more been slacking off a bit, if anyone wants to add my my username is shmurb. 

Holy heck i tried day 1 of 30 day shred this morning and it was ... well it was what it was, was able to get through the cardio with little issues the squats with pushing the weights up killed me started with 5lbs went down to 3 lbs for now and found it a bit easier, oh and the reverse crunch and bicycle crunch AAARRRRGGGHHHHH well it will only get better as i develop the technique right? 

Hoping my jello thighs will firm up by tonight so i can get a run in

Jess

203.8 + progression pics

Hi all, well its been just over a month and i have lost just over 10 pounds so time for new measurements and progression pics :)

Can i say i was very excited to see 203.8 this morning seems like i am loosing 0.8 every day which is great but can sometimes suck when hubby tells me he has lost 1, 2 or even 3 pounds. . . *sigh*| men. I am super happy for him though and he is looking HOT :) especially since he went out and bought new work clothes that actually fit him.

Ok starting with the photos (again and i think i will always have to say this sorry for the toothpaste splattered mirror in the first pic i never ever thought i would be sharing this pics and the second set while it had a cleaned mirror the windex and paper towels were on the counter lol)

And the newest ones  - yay no toothpaste splattered mirror and no cleaning supplies showing :)

I can see differences in the front one but i have a hard time seeing the difference on the 214.2 and 203.8 side views i have to remind myself i stepped closer to the mirror so i think that is where i am having the issue seeing it. Anyway i know it is going down and thats all that matters :)

Starting weight: 235

as of Feb 14th (when i started tracking my weight) 224.8

Measurements as of Feb 22nd:
Arms:   14 1/2
Bust:    47 1/2
Waist:  44
Hips:    49
Thighs: 27

July 7th

Weight:  214.2
Measurements: 
Arms:   13 1/2 
Bust:    45 1/2 
Waist:  43 
Hips:    44 
Thighs: 25 
Calve:  18

Aug 10th


Weight:  203.8
Measurements: 
Arms:   13 (-.5)
Bust:    45 (-.5)
Waist:  40 (- 3)
Hips:    43 (-1)
Thighs: 24 (-1)
Calve:  18 (0)

So from last measurement i lost 6 inches and 10.4 pounds

Anyone know how to get your calves to become slimmer ???



Still sucking with C25K week 4 i did the 5 min run once and have not been able to do it again, a little frustrated with myself as i know it is myself holding myself back again ... when will i realize that I rock and can do this :p

Hope everyone has a great weekend
Jess

30 pound mark - Woohoo

So officially this time (not like when i thought i hit it at 25 pounds lol) I
have lost 30 pounds :) Stepped on the scale this morning to 205.4 ( so 0.8 loss from yesterday i know it would be more if i would clean up my eating just a bit more and consume more water, one thing at a time ) so happy to see it now to lose another six pounds to hit my first mini goal of getting under 200 hoping to have that by the end of aug (would be great to be faster but by the end of aug at the latest).

Still working on week 4 of c25k the run this aft sucked balls, i had my eldest downstairs with me and the tv was distracting me going to try it again tonight see if i can improve over this afternoon - which i know i can since i sucked.

Went to Bouncing Beans this morning with my eldest, they were doing parachute play which i LOVE and since there were a couple kids absent the adults got to help out with it WHOO hehe, so i could only do it one handed as i was holding little K who was not impressed with it at all while on the floor

Till tomorrow
Jess

Week 4 Day 2 - much better but still needs work

First off my weight ... 206.2 so same as it was on tuesday which for me is very good since for us it was a long weekend, lots of outtings ... oh and did i mention i live in the country, well i do and as such we depend on a well for our water, now due to the crazy hot weather and very little rain our well went dry for the 4th time this summer, happened sat morning, we were without water (we have bottled water for drinking so at least we had that) till sun afternoon. Garnett worked on the pump for approx 2 1/2 to get it working. Now trying to conserve as much water as we can dont know how much more this well can take from this summer and we for sure do not want to have to drill a new well, it costs about 20K to have that done, eep.

Did week 4 day 2 today, did better today, rocked the warmup (lol), first 3 min run, 90 sec walk, 5 min run, 2.5 min walk, 3 min run and 90 sec walk, however the last 5 min run was a no go, made it about 1.5 mins then had to take a breather did another 1 min then did a brisk walk for 1 min then ran the last two mins and finished off with the 5 min cooldown. So better than day 1 hoping tomorrow will see me do the full program, need to tweek my running play list as well had a couple songs that were just too slow and that wasnt working too well for me in the last run.

Here is to a awesome tuesday and rest of the week :)
Jess

Week 4

Well week 4 has started with a good butt kicking ... on me :( Tried it this morning while watching my favorite anime show of all time (Sailor Moon) and i got through the first 3 min run 90 sec walk then the 5 min walk ... well didn't happen so much I did what i could and happy that i still tried through the whole program. Going to try it again tonight and give it another go, figuring it will take me a couple days to probably get it down pat then i will rock it :)  Also need to either get some songs on my phone or maybe try a audiobook, found that worked alot better for me.

Eating has been a bit off so my weight is up and down a bit weighed in this morning at 206.4 hoping soon to get my act together and get the two in sync to start dropping a couple pounds, would really love to be out of the 200s' by the end of Aug.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend.
Jess

Fall off the wagon type of day ... and i slipped :/

Today was just one of those days, had a good morning headed up to Ottawa did some shopping for myself got three new shirts all in a XL (different brands too so i think i can now say i am for sure in a xl) compared to 6 months ago when i was in a 2X for shirts. Picked up a couple discounted items for my eldest. Then headed out to lunch with a friend who is also currently on maternity leave .... *sigh* i decided on a burger ... the firecracker burger ... 1060 calories later it was devoured, i will say it was very good i had maybe 5 fries and a glass of water. Then on the way home slipped a bit more and stopped at Dairy Queen and had a mini blizzard (approx 360 cal), i wont lie it was delicious. . .

Then i get home about to put little K in the living room while i get her a afternoon bottle, started putting her down when i finally realized i was hearing buzzing and a lot of it. Look up at the big window and there are about 30 bees on it . ARGH, i hate bees. So at this moment i am outside with K waiting till its time to pick up S from daycare to then spend more time till Garnett gets home to kill them all and figure out how they got in the house.

Oh and while i was in ottawa i picked up my Adidas Micoach Pacer bundle, has a heart rate monitor, monitors speeds and will tell you if you are going to slow and to kick it into high gear, and a pedometer (pacer is there really a difference) so i am looking forward to getting in my c25k training today to see how everything looks. Garnett loves his hoping i will as well :)

And one last thing this morning i woke up to another 0.8 loss so currently at 206.2 .... well probably not after my food choices for lunch but i can hope to work off a bunch of it tonight. Plus breakfast was 285, and for supper only plan on a salad and a little bit of chicken which last time we did it was approx 205 cals ... so i can recover ... right ??? Not to worried about today, its only one day.

Jess

Sad thoughts made into a good day

So last night it really clicked in my mind that i was having to return to work in 6 weeks, i know i am super lucky to have a year off with my girls (love our mat leave) but the end is coming up so quickly. I realized this as we were headed to bed last night at 10:30 ... and i was up for another two hours thinking of it .. and to be honest crying a bit :( i love our daycare provider and am so happy we have her for K and S, but with travelling a hour to work and a hour back to home (or more if i am picking up the girls) it can be pretty rough, i remember feeling and bawling with S that i was no longer raising my girl and the only time i would get to really see her is on the weekends .... Anyway just going to try to make the most of the next 6 weeks with my girls while making sure to continue taking care of me as well. 

Aside from that today has been a pretty great day, woke up this morning to a weight of 207.6 so back to my sat morning weight :) Got dishes done, some laundry sorting, S and I did some zumba fitness this morning and then i did the ea active sports 2 game as well.

(My work out partner)

After lunch took both girls out into the pool and did a whirlpool and just had a fun time :) In a little bit need to finish off the dishes, get supper ready then heading to soccer tonight for S last game of the season. Hoping once we are back from that to get in my c25k training 

Have a great day 

Happy Monday - C25K update

What a weekend, very busy lots of great and yummy food :) Did really good though only went from 207.6 to  208 so a 0.4 gain i am happy with that could have been a very bad Monday weigh in.

So on Saturday Garnett and i headed up to Ottawa after attending a party for a 5 yr old with the girls, we went to the Running Room and ended up picking up shoes for both of us, a expensive trip of over 300$ for the two of us *sigh* but well worth it, our shoes are great. Mine are like marshmallows on my feet :D hee hee they are Nike shoes , Air Pegasus+ 29 I LOVE them!!!! I find the run being a bit easier because of them, they are much lighter than the 16 yr old running shoes i was using before, plus the top part of the mesh is super soft and flexible leaving me with the wide foot nice and comfortable :) Now to get my next purchase a good sports bra that will keep my ladies in place and not bouncing with me. I am looking at moving comfort either the Juno or Fiona, none of the stores in Ottawa have any though :( i am going to have to order it and cross my finger that it works, though i have heard really good things about both of them.

C25K


Things are going well with C25K i have decided to repeat every week going forward so this week i am staying on week 3. I find that i do better if i have two weeks before moving to the next week. On the happy note since Friday when i finally managed to do week 3 with no breaks i was able to repeat it on both sat and Sunday WOOHOO :) yesterday i bumped up my speed to 8.5 km/hour  walking time i am still doing at 4.5 km/hr but i think on the next go will bump that to 5 km/hr and went with a incline of 0.5. With repeating every week it means i will finish 2 weeks before our 5k race that me and Garnett are doing together (well i expect him to make it to the finish line before me but we are both doing the same race anyway ), especially since the last week of the program which i will be doing for 2 weeks is like running 28 mins it will really be like doing the 5 k or as close to as possible for 4 weeks before the race, or at least i hope so.

EA Sports Active 2


Still getting this done as well 4 times a week, doing the 9 week program on easy right now and it is going well, my eldest often joins me and does/attempts it with me, she really enjoys the running ones and the step aerobics.

Zumba Fitness


Oh gosh kill me now, i need a kids version for zumba, i have no coordination at all when it comes to dance steps and well i can only imagine what i look like. I have actually just rented the game for a couple of days for the PS3 as i thought S would get a kick out of it, find it a bit weird as you just see a instructor in colour that changes as you do the steps (goes green if your doing it correctly with her) well we both got a lot of laughs out of it which is always good, but goodness do i suck :p still going to do it again later on this afternoon with S once little K goes down for her nap.

Well i think that is it for now, have a great day
Jess

Having a great Friday :)

Today is just one of those really good days, I woke up this morning with my hubbies alarm and realized it was way lighter than it normally is on daycare days. Turns out hubs forgot to put the right alarm in but all worked out right. S got to daycare (she currently goes once a week just to stay friends with all her daycare buddies and because her daycare watcher is AWESOME ).

1)  I got up around 7 with little K got breakfast done then headed out for some errands, which is where the first good thing of the day occurred :) I put on a pair of jeans today and realized they were too big which is always a great feeling.

2a) In the mail our armbands for our phones came in, as we bought it off ebay and it was coming from pretty far away we were only expecting in in late Aug however this was by far the fastest shipment we have gotten from overseas. So also got to try the arm band out it was nice not to hold the phone anymore.

2b) After running errands got lunch going then bottle for K and then it was time for her nap, i headed downstairs and did my Week 3 training and it was AWESOME!!!!!!! I was finally able to do the whole session without a break. 5 mins warm up, 90 sec job then 90 sec walk, 3 mins run then 3 min walk, 90 secs run then walk and again 3 mins run and walk then cool down. It was so great i had a huge smile on my face and felt so proud of myself.

3) I felt so good i immediately did my PS3 game for another half hour and burnt even more calories :) I have never done a back to back workout its usually a couple hours in between (10 am then 2:30ish following little k naps ). So pat on my back :p

4) Tried turkey sausages for the first time and they are quite tasty :) Oh and discovered my hot sauce is only 1 call per 5 ml that made my day.

Hoping to get just a small walk in once my hubby get homes for the night just to finish off this night on a final good note.

Now to make sure i get through this weekend without too much damage hoping to only have a gain around 2 lbs would be better if i could just stay flat, going to enjoy the food and company this weekend but try to just have little amounts of the food that will be laying around (got to love birthday parties and going to bridal showers).

Have a great weekend will check in either late Sunday or Monday morning :)
Jess


added in sat morning: forgot to mention that yesterday i had also dropped 1 pound and this morning dropped another 0.2 so down to 207.6 :)

Just a quiet day

Took my eldest daughter to see the dentist this morning, her first time and she did great no cavities *phew* really happy about that, she sat in to watch my hubby get his teeth cleaned then she had her turn. She was all excited for the rest of the day asking when she would get to go to the dentist again ( i mainly think it was due to the new alligator toothbrush and getting to choose a ring from the treasure box but hey whatever works ) so very cute.

Been a odd couple of days for some reason hungrier that i have been in the past month today i snacked a bit more but still ended up at around 1200 calories, got in a small workout today walking the dog for 25 mins walking at a decent pace, did not like the app i was using not accurate at all, cannot wait for my micoach pacer bundle to come in :)

This morning stepped on the scale and saw 208.8 woohoo :) now to lose a bit more before the weekend and i see it go up again (hopefully only a very small amount). Oh and i want to correct myself from yesterday i realised that i said i had lost 30 pounds .. oops i was getting too excited i guess it was 25 pounds but hope by next week to hit that mark.

Week 3 is a work in progress the min and a half running is super easy but going into the three min run i seem to only be able to run a min then take a breather and run again and it keeps happening. My legs are going to fall off ... i know not really just wishing i could get past this mind block as i know that is all it is, anyone have any good tips?

Doubts

Still trying to get to my weight i was before the weekend happened *sigh* and this weekend will be a busy one with birthday parties and a bridal shower to attend, meaning super yummy and probably bad for me food :) Currently at 209.6 so hoping tomorrow will get below 209.4 and hopefully a bit more than that :D

Doubts seem to cripple me, i really enjoy exercising especially doing the c25k training however right now i cannot seem to get past 2 mins running and i know it is all in my head but i seem to be making any excuse i can, so right now i am trying to to run twice a day once in the morning (c25k training) and once at night (5 mins warm up 5 mins walk/run then 5 min cool down) hoping that will get me past this mental block. At times i wonder if i will even be able to run 30 mins straight then i take my sorry butt over to the c25k facebook page and read all the peoples success stories and know that i will be able to do it as well. The other thing is being able to talk to Garnett about it as well since he is doing the training with me (on week 2 however he is a rockstar and his speed way above mine) and he has the same doubts at times, which i think that we all do so it is great to talk it out. At times i wish that i would just post in on facebook or chat about it to my friends/family (the only person that knows about it besides hubs is his sister who we will be staying with that weekend) and yet i still feel the need to keep it under wraps and just want to surprise everyone when i post in Oct at the 5k race ....

Also just wanted to celebrate that i have now lost 30.6 pounds total so far cant wait for the next 10 pounds to get myself under that 200 mark, and want to give a huge shoutout to my hubby who as of today just hit that milestone i think he said this morning he was at 199.6 or .4 he is doing AWESOME and i am super proud of him!!!!!!

Till next time,
Jess

Mistakes are proof that you are trying

Mistakes are proof that you are trying ... i needed to see that today, weekend went very well yes i gained 1.2 pounds but we had a busy weekend and i tried to eat healthy where i could, i exercised so i was ok with it. Today however i was a train wreck, i think it is coming up to pmsing time ugh, breakfast was almost double the calories i normally consume, lunch and supper were normal however i had a subway cookie, lemonade. Was feeling extremely down and then i saw that saying on pinterest and it just reminded me that today is one day tomorrow will be much better. And today could have been much worse.

sat morning i did my last day of Week 2 and it was rough, i let the week three run 3 mins get into my head and i started panicking that i would not make it. Sat night i went on the treadmill and ran 3 mins just to show myself that i will not die and that i can do it. Made me feel super proud. Sunday i took a morning walk with Cronos our dog went to the end of the road and back it is 2.4 km did it in 28 mins just walking at a average of 5.1 km. In the aft i took a walk from the house we were visiting to the mall and back to grab some baby food (ended up staying much longer than expected but had a grand time visiting) and sun night i did W3D1 it was tough i was sore, i did not make either of the full three min runs the first one was 2:50 and the second about 2:45 both times it was stop midway through the run and take a small breather then get back on. I am happy overall with it and will use the rest of the week to improve on it.

Till tomorrow

My story

My Life Story

Going to jump right into it, hopefully if family ever reads this first part maybe they will understand why i am the way i am with my girls ... also sorry for any language that comes out in this post


When i was younger i went through some sexual abuse i would have been around 4 years old the first time. I was with a families friends son who was babysitting my sister and me at the time, this happened over a period of months i am guessing i only remember bits and pieces. Anyway this babysitter would get me to suck his dick, i remember it was for things like to play the Atari more or to stay up later ... I remember asking at one point when i had to suck him off why there was pee in my mouth i remember being in the bathroom spitting it out ... Thankfully that is all i really remember i know it happened and it was all about pleasuring him.

The second time i was sexually abused was when i was older 10/11 i think, i know i went to court when i was in grade 7 i believe for it so however old that would be. It was from a older male cousin who enjoyed touching me in the "bathing suit area"

Both encounters have forever changed me and the way i react to some things, It caused a ton of insecurities and there were certain things i could not do till i was with my husband ( i know way too much info ). It has also made me extremely sensitive to having my girls and i will freak out if they are alone with a male (my husband is the only one i trust absolutely with my girls but even that had to be learned) I tend to watch them like a hawk when they are near males always worried that something will happen to them and i wont be able to stop it. i know (and hope) that it will be ok and they will never go though something like i did.


Anyway lets leave that topic the rest of my life was pretty ok, my parents were separated when i was a toddler so i have no memories of them living together at all. My mom is with her long time fiance and my dad rocks :p Growing up i was always more heavyset I remember being extremely jealous of my sister as she had the skinny body i coveted. When i went into high school it would have been between my 9th and 10th year i had a breast reduction done i went from a F to a D and that made a huge difference (including no longer being called one boob as at that time all i could really wear were sports bras) I lost quite a bit of weight though i was still a bit heavy for my age i think i would have been roughly around 150 somewhere in there. I kept around that weight till probably 2000 when i had gone to college i bumped up a bit in weight and then in 2001 i quit smoking which added another 30 pounds or so of weight on, at which point it kept steadily creeping up. My husband (at that time boyfriend) and i had tried Atkins for a little while and we both lost quite a bit of weight but in about two years we had both gained it back and it started creeping upwards again. Fast forward through being married and having two kids and hubby and me were both very close in weight, him at 239 and me at 235.

The last 12 years of my life were great and i was very happy when i started going out with my husband, however we both just let ourselves go not from being unhappy but by not paying attention or really caring ...

Now however we are both on the right track doing this together by watching what we eat and exercising, and i believe it is bringing us closer as well.

Oh and today stepped on the scale and saw 210.4 lost 0.8 woohoo. And today is C25K training day, i have actually found even one day not running makes me a bit antsy and i want to run .. that's good right? :)

Till next time,
Jess

Nothing special

Not much done today mostly relaxed with little K as S was in daycare today. Got in my morning workout did the weight loss, this evening decided to kick it up a bit and went for hills instead got quite the workout when i was expecting a easy walk :) The only thing i have missed so far is the crunches i did not do them yesterday or today ...

Was the same weight this morning 211.2 so at least i did not gain :) Back to my C25K tomorrow very excited

I did something right yesterday...

So this morning i woke up to see 211.2 on the scale i lost 2.2 pounds, i was super stoked as when i first started loosing my highest loss in one day was  1.6 or 1.8 so WOOHOOO :)

Yesterday i ended with 1478 calories consumed and 367 calories expended on my c25k and the ps3 game Activa 2. Just want to show a photo of my supper last night love breakfast foods for supper

Today i took my daughters to Bouncing Beans where S had a ton of fun doing volleyball (well only as 4 - 7 yr olds can lol) a neat obstacle course, soccer net shots and a couple other fun activities. Little K loved watching all the kids run around and was moving and grooving to the music. You can also check out their facebook page here. Then we headed out picked up my sister and went to the park for a nice walk and a picnic.

After heading home got little K bottle got her down for a nap and headed downstairs to do the C25K W2D3, now time to get supper going.

Here is my workout schedule i have created for myself for the next little while, i will run through it sun - sat and remember each week the C25K will be going into the next week :)

Sunday


W2 D1

Monday

PS3 game (last approx 23 mins)
Crunches ( 135 normal and 45 each side)
Weight loss setting on our treadmill (3.5 min 6.0 max) for 30 mins with doing hand weight exercises at same time

Tuesday


PS3 game
Crunches
W2D2

Wed


Weight loss on treadmill with hand weights
Crunches
W2D3

Thurs


Weight loss on treadmill with hand weights
Crunches
Weight loss on treadmill

Friday


PS3 game
Crunches
Repeat W2D3

Saturday


PS3 Game
Repeat W2D3

Week 2 Day 2

Oh goodness finally got a little bit of rain here at home the last couple downpours have missed our location completely. Hoping we get it a couple more times today to help fill up the pool and give our well a break.

Just finished week 2 day 2 of  C25K went well was watching my eldest play eyepet while i was doing the workout the second run actually went by it felt like in a blink of a eye which was GREAT wish the rest of the intervals would have been like that lol. In 31 mins did 2.71 km, that is with the warm up where i go from 2.5 to 5, jogging at 8, walking at 4, the last walk i do at 5 then slowly bring it down in the cool down period as per Noom -  a new free app i am trying out on my phone -  i did 3178 steps during that time :D

I actually wrote down a workout schedule for the rest of the month and have it on my fridge right now will post it probably tomorrow to give a idea of what i am doing.

I mentioned that i started to count my calories yesterday ... well that was a colossal fail I ended up eating 2003 calories yesterday, i tracked it all though that has got to count for something plus good to get back in the habit :p and this morning woke up to 213.4 on the scale again *sigh* totally my fault but still *sigh*. Today doing much better with my calories hope to see that reflected.

I feel like there was something else that i really wanted to write down but it has completely skipped my mind, oh well maybe i will remember it for tomorrow

Until then
Jess

Added in : finally remembered what i was going to ask ( i know there have been some people viewing my blog so hoping someone can maybe answer this) Does anyone know how to actually calculate your amount of calories you should be taking in each day? The two apps i am currently using are saying different amounts My fitness pal is saying 1200 and Noom is saying 1700+ so its not a little difference were looking at 500 calories different ...... feeling a bit lost on this one

Week 2 day 1

Started week 2 day 1 of C25K yesterday morning. it is 5 mins warm up 90 seconds jogging, 2 mins walking repeated 6 times then 5 mins cool down. Was a bit harder but nothing i cannot do its just to keep pushing myself also hit 2.6 K in 30 mins so my speed and distance is still going up as well :) Its been crazy hot here the last couple of days so even using the treadmill in the basement i have been sweating buckets. Love summer but like spring and fall even more find them to be the perfect temperature.

This morning stepped onto the scale and saw 212.6 (woohoo hopefully i can keep getting it to go down and not back up) also as of today started counting my calories. Using a free app for my phone (can also use it on the computer and it will sync up anytime you log onto either the phone or the comp) called My Fitness Pal, so crossing my fingers this will keep me on the downward slope :)

Also just wanted to talk about my husband for a second, i mentioned a while back that he had been doing this with me he started at 239 and is currently around 204, he rocks :)

having a couple bad days

Well its that time of the month when my "visitor" has arrived, its made for me being very irritable and feeling like i need to stuff my face of bad for you food. Doing what i can to curb those impulses. Didn't work out yesterday but going to make sure to work out today.

At some point i am going to have to put this blog out there, at this point i haven't even told my hubby that i am doing this. Probably from embarrassment. I have promised myself that once i hit 50 pounds weight loss that i will tell everyone about the blog ...

Signing out for today, may check back this weekend or on monday (eep when i start week 2 of c25k)
Jess

Just a fun filled day

Woke up to 213.0 this morning only 0.2 loss but i will take it :)

Busy day woke up took a shower both girls co-operated by actually sleeping in this morning, then got little K up and fed her a bottle all while the eldest was still snoring away. Got breakfast on for both of us once S woke up then headed out to Bouncing Beans with S. Little K and I sat on the side watching and snapping some photos. Then headed out to get S hair cut took off about 4 inches, i forgot how curly her hair can be right now it is shoulder length due to her curls.

Got home played some Eyepet with S while little K napped. Made supper and it was delicious but a total fail for my diet :p homemade pancakes, i did use light margarine but that was the only substitution i made. Womp  womp

Hubby got home and got in my workout since there is so much time between now and Oct 14th i am doing each week 5 days a week and for 2 weeks to build up more stamina (at least i hope). Hit just over 2.5 k in 30 mins. Each day that number is slowly going up but going up it is

Just did it, signed up for the Toronto Waterfront Run

Thats right last night i took the plunge and registered for the 5K race in Toronto on Oct 14th.  Very excited and a little scared but have lots and lots of time to get ready for it.

http://www.torontowaterfrontmarathon.com/en/index.htm

Oh and this morning stepped on the scale back to 213.2

Measurements

Happy Monday


Well i started this journey back in Jan of this year at a very ripe weight of 235, its disgusting and i am so very upset with myself for getting to that weight. Everyone has a story reason they had started gaining weight which just ends up turning into excuses as to why you are still gaining, i will be posting my life story in a later post either this week or next.


Anywho onto the measurements....


Starting weight: 235


as of Feb 14th (when i started tracking my weight) 224.8


Measurements as of Feb 22nd:
Arms:   14 1/2
Bust:    47 1/2
Waist:  44
Hips:    49
Thighs: 27


July 7th

Weight:  214.2 ( - 20.8) 
Measurements: 
Arms:   13 1/2 ( - 1)
Bust:    45 1/2 ( - 2)
Waist:  43 ( - 1)
Hips:    44 ( - 5)
Thighs: 25 ( - 2)
Calve:  18


So a total of 11 inches lost and 20.8 pounds lost. I have been floating around the 214 mark since mid April not really going up or down just maintaining as i had lost motivation. I am really hoping to get out of this rut i have created and kick start my weight loss again. As i have mentioned i have started training for a 5k in Oct and think i am going to make a work out schedule to hold myself more accountable.


Progression Pics:

The first set of photos are taken on Feb 19th i was 224.4 ( oh and totally sorry for the dirty mirror i never ever thought i would be sharing these photos )

And pics taken this morning  (cleaned the mirror this time but still have the Windex on the counter :P )