Friday, 20 July 2012

My story

My Life Story

Going to jump right into it, hopefully if family ever reads this first part maybe they will understand why i am the way i am with my girls ... also sorry for any language that comes out in this post

When i was younger i went through some sexual abuse i would have been around 4 years old the first time. I was with a families friends son who was babysitting my sister and me at the time, this happened over a period of months i am guessing i only remember bits and pieces. Anyway this babysitter would get me to suck his dick, i remember it was for things like to play the Atari more or to stay up later ... I remember asking at one point when i had to suck him off why there was pee in my mouth i remember being in the bathroom spitting it out ... Thankfully that is all i really remember i know it happened and it was all about pleasuring him.

The second time i was sexually abused was when i was older 10/11 i think, i know i went to court when i was in grade 7 i believe for it so however old that would be. It was from a older male cousin who enjoyed touching me in the "bathing suit area"

Both encounters have forever changed me and the way i react to some things, It caused a ton of insecurities and there were certain things i could not do till i was with my husband ( i know way too much info ). It has also made me extremely sensitive to having my girls and i will freak out if they are alone with a male (my husband is the only one i trust absolutely with my girls but even that had to be learned) I tend to watch them like a hawk when they are near males always worried that something will happen to them and i wont be able to stop it. i know (and hope) that it will be ok and they will never go though something like i did.

Anyway lets leave that topic the rest of my life was pretty ok, my parents were separated when i was a toddler so i have no memories of them living together at all. My mom is with her long time fiance and my dad rocks :p Growing up i was always more heavyset I remember being extremely jealous of my sister as she had the skinny body i coveted. When i went into high school it would have been between my 9th and 10th year i had a breast reduction done i went from a F to a D and that made a huge difference (including no longer being called one boob as at that time all i could really wear were sports bras) I lost quite a bit of weight though i was still a bit heavy for my age i think i would have been roughly around 150 somewhere in there. I kept around that weight till probably 2000 when i had gone to college i bumped up a bit in weight and then in 2001 i quit smoking which added another 30 pounds or so of weight on, at which point it kept steadily creeping up. My husband (at that time boyfriend) and i had tried Atkins for a little while and we both lost quite a bit of weight but in about two years we had both gained it back and it started creeping upwards again. Fast forward through being married and having two kids and hubby and me were both very close in weight, him at 239 and me at 235.

The last 12 years of my life were great and i was very happy when i started going out with my husband, however we both just let ourselves go not from being unhappy but by not paying attention or really caring ...

Now however we are both on the right track doing this together by watching what we eat and exercising, and i believe it is bringing us closer as well.

Oh and today stepped on the scale and saw 210.4 lost 0.8 woohoo. And today is C25K training day, i have actually found even one day not running makes me a bit antsy and i want to run .. that's good right? :)

Till next time,

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